


Can't Feel My Face

by ILLEGAILE



Series: F1 Direction [1]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Because its fanFICTION, But also not for real, Can't Feel My Face, Cute things, F1 Karaoke, Family, Fluff, Grease - Freeform, Humor, Karaoke instead of racing for Quali, Lap dancing, M/M, Not at AU, Songs, Sting - Freeform, This should be awkward, Yes you read that right, and a dash of Michael Jackson, bros being bros, but it's not, celine dion - Freeform, idk - Freeform, of grown men, sleepover, with a Billie Jean on top
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 04:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6314497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILLEGAILE/pseuds/ILLEGAILE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Esteban is still a little shocked after the crash and Fernando decides having a Sleepover will kill two birds with one stone.</p><p>(In which Quali is instead a singing competition between teams.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Feel My Face

**Author's Note:**

> A prompt by my dear gingervivilou, who is stunning and lovely enough to send me all these fantastic prompts. She prompted me to do an F1 sleepover fic arranged by Nano to comfort our lovely little Estebunny after his crash. I actually started in on it because I saw that Wheel of Musical Impressions done by Ariana Grande in The Tonight Show. So yes, I can’t wait. Let’s do it.

“He’s holding a what?” Nico raised a brow at his teammate, pulling on a clean white shirt. His hair was still damp from his bath. Lewis was laid out comfortably on their bad, Roscoe at his feet and typing away at his cellphone. “A sleepover?”

“Pretty much.” Lewis coughed to cover up the giggle rising from his throat. “It’s for Esteban, I think.”

Nico’s brows knit together, forming a sort-of unibrow. “Esteban? For the crash yesterday?” he asked, clearly a rhetorical question. That crash was fucking awful. Fernando was more used to those kinds of things but Esteban was new enough to still be shaken. And it couldn’t have been shits and giggles for Fernando either. Both of them needed this, to have everyone close, especially since any one of them could die doing what they do. There’s a certain brotherhood to racing together in Formula 1.

“A sleepover for grown men.” Lewis rolled his eyes.

“And Max.” Nico added with a wink.

“Yes, him too.” Lewis smiled, watching as Nico crawled on top of him and took his cellphone. He pressed a couple of buttons and with a _wooshing_ sound the text was sent. “So, we’re going too, then?”

“Oh, don’t worry.” Nico nosed at the shell of Lewis’ ear, his breath warming Lewis’ skin. “I’ll make it up to you.”

Lewis chuckled, dragging him down by his full head of pretty blonde hair. “You fucking better, mister _First Place_.”

 

* * *

 

Nico and Lewis arrived to the sight of everyone crowded around on stools in front of what looked like a Karaoke machine. The source of the madness? None other than Jenson Button with his hair slicked back wearing a leather jacket with a large white T printed across the back.

“What are we doing?” Lewis chuckled, poking at the hairspray stiffened hair of his fellow Brit. “And this is supposed to be-”

“A surprise!” Jenson batted his hand away. “You missed out on the pizza but you’re just in time for the show!” he started dragging the Mercedes duo up to a couple of stools.

He turned around, brandishing a comb for his hair. “Welcome, to the Formula One Karaoke contest.” He bowed low, winking at Esteban in the front row sitting next to Fernando who looked amused at the proceedings. “To catch up our esteemed guests, Mister and Missus World Champion-”

There was a short applause and a loud shout of “KISS KISS” from one of the Williams Drivers (probably Felipe) before Nico and Lewis sheepishly began to wave at everyone.

“Carmen and Jolyon have just graced us with a duet of Can’t Feel My Face, but singing it as Celine Dion and Sting.” Jenson saluted the Renault drivers who gave a small bow from where they sat in the back. “And you missed the two Felipes-” another cheer, this time from Marcus Ericsson. “Doing a great impression of Shakira.” Jenson wiped a tear out of his eye and had to collect himself for a moment before taking the microphone again.

“And then we had a wonderful performance of Rasputin by our very own Red Bull Racing and Torro Rosso kids!” the Dans jumped up and started doing a jig earning cackles and giggles all around.

“Now, we’ve got the Hulk and his cronies.” He waved a hand at Nico Hulkenberg, backed up by Romain and surprisingly enough, Pascal with their hair slicked back the way Jenson’s was so clearly Jenson was responsible for the costumes. “Singing Grease Lightning!”

“And remember,” Jenson grinned. “Whoever has the highest score gets pole for the next race!”

Nico and Lewis stared at him in disbelief. “You can’t seriously be thinking-”

 

“ _Why this car is automatic!_ ” Hulkie walked onto the space in the middle of the driver circle interrupting them, pulling Romain and Pascal up with him. “ _It's systematic._ ” They all combed their greasy hair back with a comb, tucking it into their jacket pockets. “ _It's hyyyyyydromatic._ ” Hulkie winked at Checo and started grinding at the air. The drivers erupted in wolf whistles, shoving Checo about excitedly.

“ _Why it's grease lightning!_ ” Hulkie screamed into the microphone, handing one off to Romain who screamed the same thing. All three formed a pyramid formation with Hulk in front, pretending to drive a car. “ _We'll get some overhead lifters and some four barrel quads, oh yeah!_ ”

“ _Keep talking whoa keep talking_ ” Pascal sang into Romain’s mic

“ _A fuel injection cutoff and chrome plated rods, oh yeah_ ” Hulkie started square-dancing, hands at his hips like a cowboy.

“ _I'll get the money I'll kill to get the money._ ” Romain raised his hands in a weird imitation of jazz hands. He pointed at Esteban who was giggling madly, holding onto Fernando who was going equally nuts with laughter.

“ _With a four speed on the floor they'll be waiting at the door. You know that ain't no crap we'll be getting lots of that in Grease Lightninggggggg!_ ” Hulkie ran past the front row and stood on top of an empty stool, falling back into Pascal and Romain’s awaiting arms as they sang “ _gogogogogogogogo_ ”.

“ _Go grease lightning you're burning up the quarter mile!_ ” Hulkie pulled Pascal and Romain towards himself by the arms and started line dancing with them.

“ _Grease lightning go grease lightning!_ ” Pascal wheezed into the mic, losing his breath but still laughing along with Romain.

“ _Go grease lightning you're coasting through the heat lap trial._ ” Hulkie head banged, bangs swaying in the wind and out of its greasy confines.

Romain and Pascal sang softly, out of steam. But Hulkie kept on going. “ _Grease lightning go grease lightning_ ”

“ _You are supreme! The chicks will scream!_ ” he pointed the mic at his two tired backup singers who let out a soft but obedient “ _Oh oh_ ”.

Hulkie slid to his knees in front of Esteban, finishing off with an air guitar solo and a fist pump as Romain and Pascal collapsed behind him.

The karaoke beeped, displaying their score.

“ **Ninety-two!** ” Jenson cheered. “That puts you behind Renault as our current Pole Winners!” everyone laughed at the ridiculousness of Renault being their pole racers but gave in quickly when Jenson raised his hand to silence them.

 

“Next, we have-” Lewis raised a hand to interrupt Jenson, whispering in his ear. “Yeah, I can do that and Nico is-” more whispers. “He’s what?” they both giggled before straightening themselves up. “We have McLaren, aka myself, singing What Makes You Beautiful. Dedicated to Esteban. Mate, this is for you!”

“Wrong Direction!” Esteban yelled, more giggles from the drivers and Jenson punched in the keys for What Makes You Beautiful.

The opening music started and Jenson took Esteban’s hand in his, crooning out of tune.

“ _I’ve tried playing it cooool!_ ” he screeched into the microphone, a couple of drivers putting their hands up to cover their ears. “ _But when I’m looking at you! I can’t ever be brave. Cause you make my heart race!_ ”

Fernando, having had enough of it, snatched the microphone from Jenson. “ _Shot me out of the sky-_ ” he sang, his voice thick with his Spanish Accent. “ _You’re my Kryptonite! You keep making me we-eak. Yeah, frozen and can’t breathe._ ”

“Oh my God, stop it.” Esteban covered his face with his hands and laughed, ignoring the warring McLaren drivers and sighing in relief when they were both finished gaining a score of 87.

 

“That makes the grid line up Sauber, Williams, Torro Rosso, Red Bull Racing, McLaren, Manor, Haas, Force India, and Renault in front. We’ve only got Mercedes and Ferrari so, Seb. Would you like to take one for the team?” Jenson raised his glass in Sebastian’s direction, diverting the German’s attention from the Finn sitting next to him wearing dark pajama pants and a white cotton t-shirt looking like he’d just woken up. Sebastian himself, the dork, was wearing pajama pants with tiny cartoon racing helmets.

“By all means, age before beauty!” he gestured for the Mercs to go first, someone (Kevin maybe) humming a loud ‘ _ohhh burnnn_ ’.

Lewis nodded at Nico. “I already put it in for you.”

Nico’s face fell. “Right now?”

“You said you’d make it up to me.” Lewis snickered, shoving Nico off his chair. “Go go.”

 

Jenson gave Nico a knowing look as he trudged up to accept the microphone. “And your song?”

Nico rolled his eyes at them, damn Brits.

The opening chords of Britney Spears rang out of the speakers and the drivers began cheering and hooting as Nico swiftly turned his head, making sure to whip his hair so that it fanned out when he turned.

“ _Baby can’t you see,_ ” He dropped down into the balls of his feet, legs open. And it would have been awfully hard if Nico wasn’t as limber as he was. “ _I’m calling. A guy like you-_ ” He shifted into a kneeling position, rolling his hips as he stood up again, strutting over to where Lewis was sitting.

“ _Should wear a warning._ ” He straddled Lewis, grinding down onto his teammate’s lap.

“Holy shit.” Dan laughed, his hands fumbling to cover an unwilling Max Verstappen’s eyes.

Max tried to pry the Australian’s hands off his face to no avail. “I can’t see, Dan.” He whined.

“You are not old enough for this.” Dan teased, ignoring the litany of curses that followed.

Nico grinned, a click was heard and all the drivers behind Lewis started laughing. “ _There’s no escape_ ” Nico clipped the handcuffs on, pinning Lewis’ hands to the chair. “ _I can’t wait._ ”

“What the _fuck_ , Nico?” Lewis spat, struggling to free himself but the cuffs were on tight. “The keys, Nico-”

“ _I need a hit_ ” Nico whispered into his ear, mouthing at his neck. “ _Baby, give me it-_ ”

Esteban bit on his fist, choking on another laugh. Fernando chuckling softly next to him while Sebastian went to hunt for a tissue because he’d started crying it was so funny.

“ _You’re dangerous, I’m lovin’ it._ ”

“Oh my God, they’re going to win. Again.” Valterri huffed from his seat behind Kimi, the older Finn glancing back at him with an oddly smug look.

“Not over yet.” He muttered, sparking Valterri’s interest.

“Is Seb up to something?” he asked, but Kimi just stared at Nico grinding down on his frustrated boyfriend.

“Just watch.”

 

“ _And I love what you do, don’t you know that you’re toxic?_ ” Nico sat up, running a hand down Lewis face tauntingly and ended it by leaning back as Jenson dumped a bucket of water on him rendering his t-shirt see through.

Lewis watched with wide eyes as Nico received a towel from Fernando and sat right down next to him as if nothing happened while Esteban happily undid the handcuffs. “That wasn’t part of the plan.”

“I know. But you liked it.” Nico gave him a wink and a flying kiss as Jenson picked up another microphone.

 

“It looks like Mercedes took it home with a solid **_ninety-five_**. Does Ferrari have anything to say about this?” Jenson wiggled his eyebrows at Sebastian. Jenson held out the microphone to the Ferrari driver, everyone on the edge of their seats in anticipation for what song Sebastian will choose, bets being placed on a Michael Jackson song or a Beatles song.

There was a collective gasp when Kimi stood up and accepted the microphone.

He quickly jabbed some buttons on the karaoke machine and gestured for a shell-shocked Jenson to take a seat.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, Kimi!” he said, grinning. And Seb shouted from where he was seated, ever the fanboy.

 

Kimi cleared his throat as the twang of an acoustic guitar started, the tune creeping across the space like a fog. But despite all the conflicting emotions, Kimi’s face remained blank, not revealing which song he’d chosen until his mouth started to open.

“ _For forty days and forty nights, the law was on her side. But who can stand when she's in demand-_ ” He crooned, his voice low and haunting and the drivers sat shock still afraid to ruin the moment. Eyes turned to Sebastian who looked just as surprised but with a hint of pride. “ _Her schemes and her plans._ ”

“ _Cause we danced on the floor in the round_ ” Kimi closed his eyes, annoyed by the level of surprise on everyone’s faces. All except one, this was to be expected. He opened his eyes again to stare at the Mercedes duo in challenge. “ _So take my strong advice, just remember to always think twice. Do think twice-_ ”

 

“In his interviews, he said he only listened to Finnish music.” Valterri whispered to Sebastian.

Seb raised a brow at him. “You read his interviews?”

“That’s not important.” Valterri blushed, thank God the low lighting hid it fairly well. But not from Felipe, who nudged him in the side.

“Be quiet. This is my favorite part.” Felipe snickered, earning an incredulous look from Valterri.

“You knew about this???”

Ten different drivers shushed him.

“You forget,” Felipe poked him on the nose. “Once upon a time, I was his teammate. Now hush, this part is very good. Very very good.” He shoved Valterri’s face so he was facing forward.

 

“ _People always told me be careful of what you do_ ” The electric guitar came in, waking some of the drivers who had fallen asleep and Esteban watched avidly as Kimi shifted his stance, gripping the microphone tighter. “ _And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts-_ ”

“ _But she came and stood right by me just to smell her sweet perfume!_ ” his free hand flared out, stepping forward to lean into Lewis and Nico’s space. “ _This happened much too soon-_ ”

“ _She called me to her room!_ ” he loomed over them as he screamed into the microphone, voice strong and his timbre high causing Lewis’ skin to flare up with goosebumps and Nico to sweat.

Kimi banged his head to the beat of the drum and brought the mic back up to his lips, rocking back to stand in the center of the circle with his arms out wide. “ _Billie Jean is **not** my lover!_ ”

“ _She. Is just. A girl._ ” He pointed at the Mercedes drivers, jabbing his finger in their direction.

“ _Who swears that, **I AM THE ONE!**_ ” he threw his head up. “ _But the kid’s not my son!_ ” he shook his head.

“ _She says I- Am the one! But the kid’s not my son-_ ” the drums grew louder and louder, stopping suddenly just as Kimi raised his head. “ _Not my_ sooooooooooooooo-”

Sebastian got up and started cheering as the instrumental came on. Clapping loudly. Breaking the spell. And everyone began to cheer as seconds passed and Kimi still hadn’t let go of the note.

“Let’s go!” Kimi shouted as the guitar solo hit its crescendo, raising his microphone, his head held high. A couple of drivers stood to cheer.

“ _Billie Jean is not my lo_ ver _!_ ” Kimi curled his voice around the tone, a sound no one has ever heard out of him. His entire performance a contradiction to his usual monotone. “ _She is just a girl, who claims that I-_ ”

“ _-am the one! But the kid is not my so-o-o-on!_ ” he raised a finger at Nico, guiding Lewis’ slack open jaw to close. “ _She says I-Am the one, but the kid’s not my son. Not my soooooooo-_ ”

He held the note again, raising it impossibly high before cutting himself off just as the drums stopped, bowing low as everyone started jumping up. His score blaring and bright red on the screen. A proud 98 that declared Ferrari as the next race’s pole sitter. He had little time to enjoy it before being attacked by an ecstatic Seb, and patted on the back by assorted drivers.

“Wrong Direction, my arse. There was a rockstar hiding behind those shades after all!” Jenson shook Kimi excitedly and the Finn laughed despite the fact that now no one will let this go and every time singing came up they’d be talking about him.

But, Esteban and Fernando were smiling now. The drivers were celebrating and teasing Nico and Lewis who didn’t look all that pissed at losing pole. This was better than that Qualifying they had in Australia with all those rules no one understood.

“Impressive.” Sebastian muttered, hugging him from behind. “Any other tricks you have hidden up your sleeves?”

Kimi grinned. Definitely better than Quali.

 

* * *

 

 **Songs** :

> _Carmen and Jolyon_ \- [Ariana Grande Musical Impressions on the Tonight Show](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss9ygQqqL2Q)
> 
> _Felipe Massa and Nasr_ \- [La la la by Shakira (Male Version)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88diy6GXvZE)
> 
> _Dan, Dany, Max, and Carlos_ \- [Rasputin by Boney M.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiSdTQ9DW9g)
> 
> _Hulkie, Pascal, and Romain_ \- [Grease Lightning by John Travolta](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wK63eUyk-iM)
> 
> _Fernando and Jenson_ \- [What Makes You Beautiful by 1D](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJO3ROT-A4E)
> 
> _Nico Rosberg_ \- [Toxic by Britney Spears (Just Imagine It’s a Guy)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCRT8IItGpw)
> 
> _Kimi Raikkonen_ \- [Billie Jean (David Cook Version)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ikHdF4FmMk)


End file.
